Monday, June 27, 2011

What is Socially (Network) Acceptable

I apologize for slacking on my posts, my dear readers. I broke a router (again) so I was without Internet access at home for the weekend. And that got me thinking about how connected we all are. I'm not just talking metaphorically. I'm talking about technologically! You can't go into a restaurant now without seeing couples looking at their phones and not each other. Whenever there are doubts in a conversation, there is always one person (me) who goes "LET'S GOOGLE IT!"

But is it acceptable for you to befriend or follow the one you're dating on a social network site?

I thought about this because I don't know about you, but I like a little bit of mystery when it comes to dating and relationships. I don't always care what you had for dinner. I don't always care where you checked in. I fear the day my significant other comes home and when I ask how his day was, the response I get is "didn't you check my status updates?"

I've experienced social network dating in many ways. One of my exes didn't have any social network profiles until after we broke up. Imagine what he tried to dig for, amiright? I confirmed that was the only reason he even made any profile! One of my other exes and I followed each other on a different site after we started our relationship. I didn't always emotionally unload, so it wasn't a terrible idea....until I saw his passive agressive behavior after we broke up. And now me and the guy I am currently seeing have been friends on Facebook. Don't you go digging, those who know me! This time we were "friends" before we starting going out on dates. Don't worry. I don't link this blog to my personal profile. Boy would that be the ego boost of the century!

As with many things, I guess friending or following your significant other being acceptable is a matter of perspective. I know plenty of people in healthy relationships who are on Facebook together or read each others Tweets. They have found the balance between general normal human interaction through face-to-face conversation (imagine that concept) and being plugged in and connected to the rest of the world. I also know that some couples are at an advantage with this. Just from general observation, women tend to be social network chatterboxes as compared to men. Therefore, I rarely see in-network fighting or nauseating lovey-doviness on my news feed. So thank you my friends and followers alike!

The goods news, I've found, is that most couples don't seem to be in super sleuth mode. Each person has their own reason for being on networking sites, and it doesn't always have to be because they're dating each other and it's common sense to do befriend each other. Last decade's "it's not official till your know each other's coffee order" is this decade's "it's not official till it's on Facebook!" I know it's a stretch, but work with me here! It sincerely gives me hope that a lot of couples have found this balance.

So what's my advice if you're dating someone new and a friend or follower request pops in your email? Proceed with caution. If you've had previous history together, you may be allright, especially if you guys already have mutual friends. If you're new to each other, with no common friends, tread cautiously. Will you be jealous of the prettier people on the profile? Are you the only ones in each other's lives? Are the posts a bit telling? These are legitimate concerns when befriending someone new, let alone a new potential love interest!

Remember that while it's so easy to stay connected to the rest of the world behind a computer, it's difficult to find a real human connection with someone. So when you find it, keep it as long as you can. Getting tied up in wires in a fickle network has the potential to bring out the real ugly humanity in people. You don't need Google to tell you that.

You have to wonder if they had a good time with each other...and if they're talking to each other about it

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