How am I today, you ask. Right now it seems I'm overthinking everything! I just want to enjoy sweet, simple joys with this One Good Man, and yet I worry that these simple joys will turn into complicated warfare. Think I'm being dramatic? I probably am. I think it makes me more interesting.
Just to clarify, I jumped in head first into my last couple relationships and I am very aware that I overthink or underthink. By going out a few times with this One Good Man, I am moving in the right direction towards being with someone for all the right reasons. But then I wonder am I still moving too fast? Is this too slow? Will he lose interest?
Last time we discussed how crucial I think The Chase is in a relationship. Today, we are discussing The Catch. Right now things seem to be going well...a little too well. And I fear shutting down. So here I am sharing this vulnerability with you, my dear friends.
It's frustrating to really like someone and still have a guarded heart. I'm trying to find the balance between letting someone into my life slowly and accepting that this is a risk. Do I think he's worth it? If he keeps treating me like someone of importance in his life, yes. He is.
Ok fine, I know this is only date #3 we are going on tonight. But obviously I really like this guy enough that I'm worried about this screwing up. And then I remember what my dear friend said to me that night: "Is your gut telling you that it's ok? Then it's ok. Your gut never lies."
Not to dwell too much on my dating past, I will explain my guarded heart to you a bit more in detail. This is where I've gotten blissfully ignorant. When things seemed tough or not worth it anymore, I thought if I stick around long enough, I can definitely make it so! Boy was I wrong. All three times. What can I say, I have been a glutton for punishment! Again, I'm trying to take the right steps to redeem myself.
I worry about things like, well, what if he's playing this game to see how long I'll stick around before he can get me to sleep with him. Or maybe I'm a pity case. These are all foolish insecurities because let's face the cold hard facts here folks: Everyone has either experienced this or at the very least knows someone who has.
So how do you adjust to these insecurities? How soon is it to have that "so what exactly are we doing" talk? I can't help thinking that one year ago something was there. And now here it is again. So it must be worth it. And just maybe I'm worth it too. I've said it before and I'll say it again...
There is always risk in adventure. The least I can ask for is someone to hold my hand as we jump feet first into the deep water.
I hope it's him.
How sad. I think this should be every woman's type.
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