One of my good friends asked us, her close group of girlfriends this very question:
What hurts me most is looking back and wondering what I missed out on. I used to be so concerned about my partner's well-being that I failed to understand what it is that I'm looking for. I earnestly tried to be the foundation even when the cracks were showing. That's one of the downsides to being an eternal optimist: you hope for the best, no matter what. And yes, it's hurt me every time.
Once again, this is where my writing comes in so handy. It is part of this healing process so I can move on and make more informed dating decisions. It's like buying a car.Yes, I am comparing dating to buying a car right now.
Think about it.
Your first car. Was it convenient? Did it for the most part take you from Point A to Point B with little issue? Did it have quirks that you could appreciate because it made it "your car"? Were you ok with that, or did it feel like you were making excuses? And did you often wonder what car you would choose if you didn't have to cart that jalopy around?
I'm here to inform you that it's much easier to find a better date than a new car. In fact, it's also cheaper. Maybe. Work with me here!
There is so much we do as women for our men. We are hardwired to be providers. But who is there to provide for the providers? Women are so intent to doing it for themselves that they miss the bottom line. You can do it for yourselves lady, but don't do it all for the men too. Let men be men! Let them court you. Hell, let them speak up too without shooting them down. In the meantime, ask yourself: What do you want a man to do for you?
One of the nice things about my position is that I can be that casual observer. I can learn from my friends what it is I want to do for a man and have him show what he can do for me. I don't want to be treated as a convenience. I don't want to dwindle along dating the same guy for a year without knowing where we both stand.Am I saying I want a commitment? Not exactly. However, know now that I'm not here to waste my time. Believe me, it's not fun being the only one carrying the relationship!
What I want is that balance. My friend said it best: you need to be with someone who can handle your crazy as much as they can handle your sanity. I'm not saying I'm a short fuse (don't get me wrong. I'm short. It's us you truly need to fear) all the time, but I don't exactly know how to stay in one place. There's so much exploring to do in this life and I don't want to miss out! However, I know my match can reel me in, caress my face, and show me that it's ok to slow down and enjoy nothingness...to enjoy each other's company.
Relationships require maintenance, much like a car. But when maintaining a car costs more than owning it, it's time to reassess where you stand.
Right now I'm testing a new model. So far it's been a smooth ride, handles with care, and pardon my saying so...but I look good standing next to it too.
I piqued your curiosity again didn't I?
I can say from my past relationships that it's been quite the struggle to figure out when to stop being the savior and start being saved. We all want that perfect relationship, where all fights have resolutions and making up is easy. Where love comes naturally and being together requires little effort. Unfortunately, we don't live in this type of reality!
What hurts me most is looking back and wondering what I missed out on. I used to be so concerned about my partner's well-being that I failed to understand what it is that I'm looking for. I earnestly tried to be the foundation even when the cracks were showing. That's one of the downsides to being an eternal optimist: you hope for the best, no matter what. And yes, it's hurt me every time.
Once again, this is where my writing comes in so handy. It is part of this healing process so I can move on and make more informed dating decisions. It's like buying a car.Yes, I am comparing dating to buying a car right now.
Think about it.
Your first car. Was it convenient? Did it for the most part take you from Point A to Point B with little issue? Did it have quirks that you could appreciate because it made it "your car"? Were you ok with that, or did it feel like you were making excuses? And did you often wonder what car you would choose if you didn't have to cart that jalopy around?
I'm here to inform you that it's much easier to find a better date than a new car. In fact, it's also cheaper. Maybe. Work with me here!
There is so much we do as women for our men. We are hardwired to be providers. But who is there to provide for the providers? Women are so intent to doing it for themselves that they miss the bottom line. You can do it for yourselves lady, but don't do it all for the men too. Let men be men! Let them court you. Hell, let them speak up too without shooting them down. In the meantime, ask yourself: What do you want a man to do for you?
One of the nice things about my position is that I can be that casual observer. I can learn from my friends what it is I want to do for a man and have him show what he can do for me. I don't want to be treated as a convenience. I don't want to dwindle along dating the same guy for a year without knowing where we both stand.Am I saying I want a commitment? Not exactly. However, know now that I'm not here to waste my time. Believe me, it's not fun being the only one carrying the relationship!
What I want is that balance. My friend said it best: you need to be with someone who can handle your crazy as much as they can handle your sanity. I'm not saying I'm a short fuse (don't get me wrong. I'm short. It's us you truly need to fear) all the time, but I don't exactly know how to stay in one place. There's so much exploring to do in this life and I don't want to miss out! However, I know my match can reel me in, caress my face, and show me that it's ok to slow down and enjoy nothingness...to enjoy each other's company.
Relationships require maintenance, much like a car. But when maintaining a car costs more than owning it, it's time to reassess where you stand.
Right now I'm testing a new model. So far it's been a smooth ride, handles with care, and pardon my saying so...but I look good standing next to it too.
I piqued your curiosity again didn't I?
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| Here I go again on my own...but really, I do this better. Sorry Ms. Kitaen. |
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