Who am I talking about? Isaiah Mustafa, better known as The Old Spice Man. The other day, I was surprised to find that I'm still a Cosmopolitan subscriber. Even though I cut off the subscription, I still get the "women's Bible."
Let me tell you something right now: The advice is terrible. I don't need 69 different ways to touch a man. You touch a man, he gets excited, and sometimes you win. Other times, you go to bed angry. I have, and always will insist, that I read it for the fashion and make-up tips. I'm a girl who likes pretty things. I digress.
However, Mustafa penned a letter to female readers. Unfortunately I haven't found a link online to it yet. If you're interested, you can pick up the July 2011 issue of Cosmopolitan at your local grocery store and be amused.
He encouraged women to let go of the gradiose expectations we have of men. In other words, those huge movie productions where the man fights so valiantly for the girl by wooing her with grand gestures are giving men everywhere less hope. Why? Because if you paid attention, you'd see that the smaller gestures are meant to be large declarations of love!
Those who know me understand that I'm all about the simple things. While I appreciate flowers as I rarely got them as a girlfriend, I would be happier if you remembered my coffee order (tall nonfat black and white, no whip). Also, my allergies are busted, so if you want me sneezing my face off, lay rose petals all over the room. You're cleaning it. If you want to win me over, feed me a Harry Potter pick-up line.
"Hey baby, Slytherin in my bed."
As women, we need to stop this! These expectations boggle the logic of men everywhere! Your man doesn't want to chase you in the fields. In fact, he shouldn't. If you want to run like a fool, go on, but he's probably tired of you and your crap. That and those movie gestures simply aren't genuine. What's genuine? When you have a terrible day at work, and he sends you a YouTube vid of someone bottle feeding kittens.
Mustafa couldn't emphasize enough that men are often discouraged because if it's not enough we women are hormonal once a month, we accuse men of not caring because they're not kissing us in the rain. What are they supposed to do? Stage a rain dance and pull you into a passionate kiss to make you happy? Build you a house even though you're not with him? THE NOTEBOOK IS NOT REAL LIFE! On that sidenote I will also confess: I didn't cry at The Notebook. Go ahead. Call me a heartless beast. I can take it.
I can harp about this all day. But ladies, please pay attention. I would love to be with a man who puts my keys next to my coffee in the morning, picks up my favorite chocolate when he's out buying food, tells me that a song came on the Muzak and he remembers how much I love that song.
On that note, if you expect a man to go big or go home in this sense, I suggest you simply go home.
He didn't realize that wine he got you is supposed to be red not white, and that he was supposed to bring it to the picnic you planned in your head.
Disney needs to stop giving girls unrealistic expectations of love...the princesses are obviously sick of it.
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