Ok, Let's Catch you up to Speed

I have been awful...careless even in the last few months with this blog. Let's call that my dark period. Without boring you with the boring insanity that is the life of Jax Single Girl, I will try to elaborate on why the period of late September early November was a dark and trying time.

• Remember Philly? Turns out that I was Plan B, and only went on a date with me because...I don't know. Testing out the waters? If he was going to do that to his girl with me, who's to say he wouldn't try that once it had the potential to go somewhere.
• Heartbreak Grade: B+. I really liked him.
• Dragon got psychotic. He texted me after me not talking to him for about a month and complained about me not talking to him. Being the man of whatever relationship we had, I became logical and told him I didn't see the problem because I really had no reason to talk to him. So he threatened to unfriend me on Facebook and told me to delete his number.
• Heartbreak Grade: F. I wrote his number on the bathroom wall of a dingy bar.
• Ginger Dom: I had a long distance texting (sexting?) BDSM relationship. It terrified and excited me. He wanted a ho and a housewife. I was definitely neither of those things.
• Heartbreak Grade: D. I was scared as a sub to tell my dom that it wasn't going to work out. But he didn't kidnap and torture me in the bad way, so all is definitely well.
• The Musician: My friend tried to set me up with a musician she knew. He was flakey. The timing was awful. His father had passed away right before we were going to meet, and I was starting to talk to somebody else. You snooze, you lose. I did feel bad about the timing, but my friend also warned (and reminded) me that he was a starving artist.
• Heartbreak Grade: C. I could see a few fun dates with him, but I also was in no position to be a mother and a provider.

There were a couple more men in between this ridiculous list, but they were just hook-ups. And those hook-ups were on my terms. I was truly starting to believe that this is it. I am going to amount to nothing more than the girl who men make poor decisions with to prepare them for real women they could bring home. I thought if that was going to be it, then I might as well wear that badge with pride.

Brother Bear joked about my stable of "he-bitches." Well, what should have been prize-winning horses turned out to be a bunch of busted donkeys.

Clearly...

I deleted both of my online dating accounts and, at the time, focused on the possibilities of who else was there. I really held out hope for The Musician. It was no one's fault it didn't work out. If there's anything I learned from online dating, it's that you can only force something to happen so much and learn to lower your expectations (yeah, I said it) because you don't know what you're going to get...until a dude with a mullet shows up to take you to dinner. Yes, we left that guy out of the list up there.

The Musician was supposed to meet me at one of my fire shows. Well, he just plain didn't show up. No matter. I was more focused on putting on one of the best shows our group has ever done anyway.

But...someone else was there. Someone who was always there. He was in a group of mutual friends and was at every show. He was always kind but somewhat unassuming. That night I noticed he was hovering a bit. Every time I would move to another place at the bar, he wouldn't be too far behind. He would try to make conversation, but this time it felt a little different. It didn't feel forced but it felt like he was making a point to get my attention.

The Jedi and I shared a lot of laughter and smiles that night until the early morning, and I kicked myself for the many months I didn't realize that he was right there in front of me.

But that's another story...