Boyfriend Application

It wasn't most ideal, but The Trainer texted that he is moving for sure, and didn't want to get into something knowing one of us (or both of us) would get hurt. However, I respect a man who lets me know right away. He did let me know that he felt bad about how impersonal it was, but the sooner we figure it out, the better.

He's right. And no...we both don't like it. In fact, we are still talking casually. Not much harm done.

But I was Bad Decision Kitty and decided it was worth it to check if anything was different on my profile. I may have given another guy my number. Chatted with a few other men. No matter. I'm Jax Single Girl. I have adventures. Sometimes my adventures lead to poor decisions. I'm not trying to go that way, but it's like they say: plenty of fish in the sea...just through out the line. Right?

Anyhow, I remember a post I submitted awhile ago about Matthew Grey Gublar's "Girlfriend Application." You may know him very well from Criminal Minds as Dr. Spencer Reid. Or as Joseph Gordon Levitt's friend in 500 Days of Summer, the angsty hipster love story of this generation. His character in the movie said "She's better than the girl of my dreams...she's real."

Why do I have such a hard time finding someone who believes that and will stay? The men I encounter either don't and lead me on, or the do and they leave. The cynic in me thinks I'm what's wrong: the common denominator. But I don't want to be the cynic. I want to be the ardent believer that love can happen to anyone. If it can happen to Honey Boo Boo's mom, it could happen to me.

So here it is. This is my boyfriend application. I am accepting them right now so feel free to pay it forward.

(Source: Sedonafilmschool.com)

Wanted: A companion

Must love dogs. Other four legged animals are acceptable. No spiders please.

Body type is negotiable, but please be presentable with caring eyes and open arms

Laughter must be part of your genetic make-up, but not always at my expense

Hugs are important. I appreciate when they come from a genuine place

Friendship is a must. Put the friend in boyfriend and we're off to a great start

While I prefer tea, I am willing to drink coffee as long as we can have great conversations

Though I am an eternal optimist, I have my bad days. Cheer me on, but challenge my neurosis

I like holding hands. Please hold them as if to protect me from scary monsters under the bed

Don't be offended by beer burps. I take pride in my own brand

Piercings and tattoos are not taboo. You are a canvas as I am as well.

Pessimists, Debbie Downers, and the lazy need not apply

If you can come up with more creative shapes for clouds, you have already won me over

Kindness is a must. There is always someone who has it worse than you or me

Please have some sense of culture. I like to talk about books, music, and movies. Yes, The Hangover counts as culture

Halloween is my favorite holiday. Let's dress up and eat all the candy

What I mean to say is cuddle me, remember tacos are better than burritos, and bring out the best in me as I will for you

I look forward to the response.

Girlfriend Wanted

This is from Matthew Grey Gubler's blog. You may better recognize him as Dr. Spencer Reid on Criminal Minds.

I love everything about this! I will highlight the key points in which I think are pretty much about me. 

girlfriend wanted

must love decorating for holidays
mischief
kissing in cars
and wind chimes

no specific height*
weight
hair color
or political affiliation required
but would prefer a warm spirited non racist

cynics
critics
pessimists
and “stick in the muds” need not reply

voluptuous figures a plus
any similarity in look, mind set, or fashion sense to
mary poppins
claire huxtable
snow white
or elvira wholeheartedly welcomed

i am dubious of actresses, felons, and lesbians
but don't want to rule them out entirely
must be tolerant of whistling
tickle torture
james taylor
and sleeping late

i have a slight limp
eerily soft hands
and a preternatural love of autumn

I once misinterpreted being called a coal-eyed dandy as a compliment when it was intended as an insult
I wiggle my feet in my sleep
am scared of the dark
and think the Muppet's Christmas Carol is one of the greatest films of all time

all i want is
butterfly kisses in the morning
peanut butter sandwiches shaped like a heart
and to make you smile until it hurts

Well sign me up!  *I'm 5'2" so this is always good to hear

The Lift before the Fall

Sorry for the lack of posting. I was busy having a life and dating I suppose.

And with that, the title says it all: the lift before the fall. I am in a world of hurt.

OGM is moving in September.

Very few words can describe this news. The most notable of the few is "heartbreak." I find One Good Man, and this isn't fair. Once again, our timing is absolutely horrible. We have decided, at this point, not to continue after he leaves. Of course that is easier said than done. Rest assured, we both have feelings invested at this point. And with this dizzying teacup ride, we will see what happens.

He told me earlier this week and I think I handled it well. I had to remind him this wasn't up to me. I wanted to continue seeing him. I suppose the call it summer love for a reason, right? Last night, he completely broke down to me about the hardships he's had the past year and he said the kindest words I've heard for the longest time.

You're amazing.

That's what makes this transition even harder for me. He is such a good man to me. Warning me that he's leaving. Feeling bad that this conversation even had to happen. This is the worst kind of heartbreak because what we have has a deadline. So add "not fair" to the way I'm feeling right now.

My best friend was saying that maybe this is God's way of saying that I can have a special kind of relationship like this...but maybe this isn't right quite yet. Again, it doesn't make it hurt any less. My throat is closing in, my chest quivering, and my body in general is sulking at this news.

And last night, he laid on my chest as we comforted each other. I have to remember that I am not on this blinding rollercoaster by myself. He said more words to me that didn't make this terrible news easier to hear.

Your heart is beating really fast. It's called I'm falling hard for you and the bottom is going to be ripped from under me. Well...that's what I wanted to say. Instead, I played coy and told him that it's beating fast for number of reasons. As we stared at each other, knowing the difficult months that lay ahead, he pulled me closer. His hazel eyes pierced my heart once again.

I know this isn't the usual uplifting and humorous post of which you all are accustomed. But what's dating without a little letdown, right? In a perfect situation, he would realize I'm the reason to stay and we can carry on talking about each other's heartbeats and telling jokes. Alas no situation is perfect. And all I am left with is this feeling of being lonely with him. Most would just say "stop seeing him and move on."

But it's difficult to move on when you both finally recognize something great. And that is the risk of falling in love. There are no easy decisions. There are only sacrifices, big and small, and figuring out how to embrace the risks and savor the moments you have together. I don't know what will happen now. Oh time...how you continue to punish me.

The hardest part is knowing you have something great, and being forced to let it go.

This Sums Up my Dating Philosophy Perfectly

The Beatles got many things right. They got music, long hair, global domination, and simple declarations of love just right.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand...

Hands, to me, are the emotional key in a relationship. While you can tell a lot about your partner by looking into his/her eyes, all of your thoughts and feelings are confirmed when you hold each other's hands. It's usually an electric, balmy, awkward connection when you first begin. But that's what makes it exciting. You can hold hands now! You don't need to have uncomfortable boundary conversations about holding hands as compared to sex.

All of the still-married couples I've talked to emphasize how important the simple things are, and how they define the cohesiveness as a dynamic duo. Let's face it: when it comes to dating and relationships, most girls just want someone to caress their faces, talk music and movies with, have their own mini adventures, even if it's only trying to find the right beer at a liquor store. That last one? Totally did it. Try it sometime. You'll learn a few things about a person by which beer or spirit he or she chooses.

So here it is. This is from Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist. Sidenote: Get the soundtrack. Great tracks! Try to deal with the awkwardness of Michale Cera. I mean...look at this kid.

And for those of you Beatles purists, here is perfection and quite possibly one of the greatest love songs ever written.



Where is my Dread Pirate Roberts?!

If you haven't seen The Princess Bride, you need to stop reading this and school yourself. It's the most amazing book AND one of the world's most quotable movies. Please. School yourself on wuv. Twu wuv!

I think it's important to discuss the men we daydream about. I can be all serious about what it is I want in men everyday when I post, but really you guys are just going to get bored with that! What about those male figures whose sight just makes us swoon, whose voices melt our hearts, and whose gaze just our knees buckle? They should get some credit! After all, no man is perfect. However our fantasy men are! And we deserve some male perfection from time to time. Amiright ladies?

Wesley/Dread Pirate Roberts is probably my favorite romantic movie character. The story starts out innocently enough. Wesley is just the water boy. And Buttercup is basically being a bitch by demanding he do random tasks. What never changes is his loyal ode to Buttercup: "As you wish." Sigh...a girl could get used to that.

And she did! They fell in love, random fairy tale life events happened, and next thing you know BOOM he's the Dread Pirate Roberts, Buttercup is a princess, and Dread Pirate Roberts looks sexy in a mask. And that sword. All I'm saying is if he can handle that sword with panache, imagine what else he can handle with such care and discipline! Inconceivable!

He is my ultimate male fantasy. A loving man who would do anything for his woman. Fight off those pesky ROUS, rescue me from quicksand, and all the while be charming and witty!

It is also important that I admit that I don't understand the fascination with Twilight. Maybe I'm being too quick to judge, but a sparkling pale man who can fly just doesn't sound sexy. And his werewolf friend? Men are hairy enough, I say! DPR isn't moody. He wastes not time getting stuff done and in the end, wins the princess. Quite frankly, Bella seems like a boring lay, Edward probably whines a lot, and werewolf kid is just one of those "stand there and look pretty" characters.

There is just something so incredibly sexy about a man hiding his true identity and wooing me into romantic submission. And then finding out, "wow, it was you all along. I'm intrigued!" You girls can keep your vampires, werewolves, and Disney princes. I will take a sexy pirate any day! Then again...a vampire from True Blood might be just nice. They can do bad things and I am totally okay with that! I digress. I can save that for another post!

In short, the DPR is the right mix of broodiness, sensuality, gusto, and romanticism. I will never find my exact Dread Pirate Roberts, but it's nice to wonder what if. What's even more fun? Trying to find and even enjoying these traits in the men you date. While a girl can and always should dream, she should treat herself to a small part of her male fantasy!

 

 

 

Drop my sword?
Perchance should I drop anything else for you Mr. DPR?

First There was The Chase. Now What's The Catch?

When it comes to relationships and dating, I vary between two extremes, and nary the two shall meet. I either overthink and question everything, or I live in blissful ignorance. I am trying my damndest to stop this nonsense. I am seriously hoping I can find a man who can help me balance my extremes but keep me challenged.

How am I today, you ask. Right now it seems I'm overthinking everything! I just want to enjoy sweet, simple joys with this One Good Man, and yet I worry that these simple joys will turn into complicated warfare. Think I'm being dramatic? I probably am. I think it makes me more interesting.

Just to clarify, I jumped in head first into my last couple relationships and I am very aware that I overthink or underthink. By going out a few times with this One Good Man, I am moving in the right direction towards being with someone for all the right reasons. But then I wonder am I still moving too fast? Is this too slow? Will he lose interest?

Last time we discussed how crucial I think The Chase is in a relationship. Today, we are discussing The Catch. Right now things seem to be going well...a little too well. And I fear shutting down. So here I am sharing this vulnerability with you, my dear friends.

It's frustrating to really like someone and still have a guarded heart. I'm trying to find the balance between letting someone into my life slowly and accepting that this is a risk. Do I think he's worth it? If he keeps treating me like someone of importance in his life, yes. He is.

Ok fine, I know this is only date #3 we are going on tonight. But obviously I really like this guy enough that I'm worried about this screwing up. And then I remember what my dear friend said to me that night: "Is your gut telling you that it's ok? Then it's ok. Your gut never lies."

Not to dwell too much on my dating past, I will explain my guarded heart to you a bit more in detail. This is where I've gotten blissfully ignorant. When things seemed tough or not worth it anymore, I thought if I stick around long enough, I can definitely make it so! Boy was I wrong. All three times. What can I say, I have been a glutton for punishment! Again, I'm trying to take the right steps to redeem myself.

I worry about things like, well, what if he's playing this game to see how long I'll stick around before he can get me to sleep with him. Or maybe I'm a pity case. These are all foolish insecurities because let's face the cold hard facts here folks: Everyone has either experienced this or at the very least knows someone who has.

So how do you adjust to these insecurities? How soon is it to have that "so what exactly are we doing" talk? I can't help thinking that one year ago something was there. And now here it is again. So it must be worth it. And just maybe I'm worth it too. I've said it before and I'll say it again...

There is always risk in adventure. The least I can ask for is someone to hold my hand as we jump feet first into the deep water.

I hope it's him.

How sad. I think this should be every woman's type.

Picky? Mayhaps...

Ok so after a few dating missteps in my past, I am fully-prepared to be picky about the next man in my life. Don't get me wrong! I would love to date and explore different personalities, but if I'm going to give you a title, you're gonna have to be pretty flippin' awesome.

So what is Jax Single Girl looking for? Well, I was having this conversation with my best friend, and I shamefully admitted that my high standards are, I believe, everyone else's average standards. I'm not setting the bar low (sorry all you middle-aged men on Match.com. I am NO mail order bride!). I'm just now understanding what it is I am willing to accept.

Must make me laugh
Must have your own life and hobbies
Must want to spend time together
Must enjoy my company whether I'm rocking a hoodie and Chucks, or all gussied up in a little black dress
Must make plans sometimes
Must have a great relationship with his family
Must be kind (snide people watching, however, is acceptable)
Must appreciate holding my hand as I hold his
Must be willing to at least appreciate my quirks and odd habits

I know. This list is general at best. But the most important thing I need is that chemistry. That boom. The butterflies in the stomach. In the past, I have been so patient with my phantom boyfriends (def. You know he exists. I know he exist. But where on God's green earth is he?!), but what I need is an adventurous companion. My other partner in crime.

Despite all outward appearances, I do believe in true, everlasting love. I really believe that one man one day will share the same zest for life. So where are you, dear? Let's share witty puns, go on a midnight drive for no reason, bake cupcakes, and yell at stupid people on tv. And perchance may we cuddle often?

...wait. You wanna put what where and nothing more?

AS IF!