Boyfriend Application

It wasn't most ideal, but The Trainer texted that he is moving for sure, and didn't want to get into something knowing one of us (or both of us) would get hurt. However, I respect a man who lets me know right away. He did let me know that he felt bad about how impersonal it was, but the sooner we figure it out, the better.

He's right. And no...we both don't like it. In fact, we are still talking casually. Not much harm done.

But I was Bad Decision Kitty and decided it was worth it to check if anything was different on my profile. I may have given another guy my number. Chatted with a few other men. No matter. I'm Jax Single Girl. I have adventures. Sometimes my adventures lead to poor decisions. I'm not trying to go that way, but it's like they say: plenty of fish in the sea...just through out the line. Right?

Anyhow, I remember a post I submitted awhile ago about Matthew Grey Gublar's "Girlfriend Application." You may know him very well from Criminal Minds as Dr. Spencer Reid. Or as Joseph Gordon Levitt's friend in 500 Days of Summer, the angsty hipster love story of this generation. His character in the movie said "She's better than the girl of my dreams...she's real."

Why do I have such a hard time finding someone who believes that and will stay? The men I encounter either don't and lead me on, or the do and they leave. The cynic in me thinks I'm what's wrong: the common denominator. But I don't want to be the cynic. I want to be the ardent believer that love can happen to anyone. If it can happen to Honey Boo Boo's mom, it could happen to me.

So here it is. This is my boyfriend application. I am accepting them right now so feel free to pay it forward.

(Source: Sedonafilmschool.com)

Wanted: A companion

Must love dogs. Other four legged animals are acceptable. No spiders please.

Body type is negotiable, but please be presentable with caring eyes and open arms

Laughter must be part of your genetic make-up, but not always at my expense

Hugs are important. I appreciate when they come from a genuine place

Friendship is a must. Put the friend in boyfriend and we're off to a great start

While I prefer tea, I am willing to drink coffee as long as we can have great conversations

Though I am an eternal optimist, I have my bad days. Cheer me on, but challenge my neurosis

I like holding hands. Please hold them as if to protect me from scary monsters under the bed

Don't be offended by beer burps. I take pride in my own brand

Piercings and tattoos are not taboo. You are a canvas as I am as well.

Pessimists, Debbie Downers, and the lazy need not apply

If you can come up with more creative shapes for clouds, you have already won me over

Kindness is a must. There is always someone who has it worse than you or me

Please have some sense of culture. I like to talk about books, music, and movies. Yes, The Hangover counts as culture

Halloween is my favorite holiday. Let's dress up and eat all the candy

What I mean to say is cuddle me, remember tacos are better than burritos, and bring out the best in me as I will for you

I look forward to the response.

Online Dating Profiles: Interviewing for your Company

If you were to ask me what the most painful part of starting the online dating process was, I'd have to say completing the damn profile.

Let's go back to grade school for a minute. Your teacher gives you an assignment in which you must write an essay about yourself. No problem, right? But you have to complete it in one page, include varied interests, and validate why they matter. One page?

Welcome to creating an online dating profile!

I'm going to spare the details of what I put in mine. Instead, I will embarrass faceless users who I've screened online. We have:

- The "gives you why he's always single" guy
- The "I'm your Romeo" guy
- The "I will treat you right, if you know what I mean" guy
- The "here's my entire life story" guy

In my humble opinion, who you are is something I'm going to find out should I decide to go on a date with you. Granted, it's the biggest part of the profile. This takes me back to college where you were learning how to write entry-level resumes. Interviewers only need to read your one-line objective to know whether or not to trust you saying the company name. On this site I'm using (sparingly now, but that's another entry), the smallest box is the one that asks "What Would you do on the First Date?"

You guys, we screw this up royally. While you can slap on a nice suit and tie, practice interview etiquette, and list your numerous achievements all you want, you can ultimately blow it when your interviewer asks "What can you do for the company?"

I'd be vacationing in Ibiza if I had a dollar for each answer that was "dinner and a movie." Don't misunderstand me here; a girl's gotta eat, and a free meal is a free meal. But there is a reason women like me go on these sites: for something new. Listen MrReelNiceGuy69: try harder. Not only that, but the reason I'm meeting you is to get to know you. I'm going out of my comfort zone to see who is out there. I can't possibly get to know you while watching a serious plot unfold on the big screen. I can casually observe your popcorn etiquette, and judge whether or not you have fresh hands that want to play. But why blow a date like that? (Ed. note: I need more interesting things to blog. Don't completely ruin it for me).

I've seen the other end of the spectrum too. "Dinner at my place." What that really tells me is that you want me to search every government database for your first and last name to see if I'm safe in your company. I do a background check of sorts before each date. You better believe that the suggestion of dinner at your place gets you checked out quicker! I am not dessert! Cynical? I like to call it rightfully defensive.

So after a couple of weeks of viewing profile after uninteresting or psychologically unsound profile, I would find a gem every now and again. No sarcasm, I really did start some conversations with men who seemed worth a second interview. Some would decline, which is more than fine. I made it clear my time is valuable. Wouldn't yours if you were interviewing for a high-ranking company? Others, well, they blew it with a few choice words. FYI if I have any male readers: Saying "Hey Sexy" the next day after our initial conversation is creepy. Don't do it.

But I started talking to someone on a quiet, unassuming Sunday morning. Then in the afternoon. Then at night, he wanted my number, which I was fine with. He seemed worth a second interview. I was quite pleased with the result, and decided he would be a great fit.

Welcome aboard.