It was a Walk in the Park...No, Really

I appreciate your patience, my dear readers. I always have a lot to say, and I know you've been waiting for the "First Date" story with The Trainer.

Let me map out that day for you. I had plenty of activity to keep my mind sane up until we were to meet that afternoon. It was Memorial Day, so while most people were sleeping in, nursing a hangover, or barbequing, I was lacing up my shoes to run a 5K. After abusing my body with my best race time (43:00. I'm slow but consistent), I also met my friend to join her Zumba class.

Here was how I justified all this: Let me get out my nervous energy out now, and have less to throw up out of anxiety later. I was treating my first date nervousness like a nuclear threat. I had an emergency text ready for my friends in case it went south, I made sure the date was close to home, and I made sure if anything did happen, I had witnesses.

It's also worth noting that is the first time in a while that I've been nervous for a date. I've been on bad first date after bad first date. I wasn't nervous for them. I think in retrospect, I treated them as rights of passage. Everyone should go through at least one bad first date just so it builds character.

So after soaking my cardio-weary body in a hot shower, I made genuine efforts to look and smell like a girl again. I remember my first date with OGM. I didn't know what I was going to wear and had a mini panic attack...or two. This time around, I knew what I was going to wear. That was the easy part. The hardest part was staying in the park long enough to wait for him and not feel the need to bolt.

So I sat there, near a fountain, hair somewhat done, sundress, and flip flops on, feeling the Florida heat cut evenly with little breeze. Then it hit me.

He's going to be here in five minutes.

It's hotter than a hooker in church.

We agreed to meet at a park.

I put in at least 5 miles today.

Suck it up, cupcake. You have that text ready to go.

I clutched my purse close, shoulders raised high. I felt his presence. Even if I had to, I wouldn't be able to send out the text on time. Slowly I stood from the fountain where I sat, thinking don't trip, don't trip, don't trip. With nervous smiles, we said hello, and he gave me a hug.

Truth be told, that was fairly unexpected. Welcome, but unexpected.

But then he wouldn't look at me. He was talking to me, but not looking at me. Maybe he was nervous...

After we started to loop the park, I thought I'd better give him a tour of the area. And if I kept walking, I could concentrate more on that than throwing up granola chunks. We started reciting our past conversations about movies, tv, music, anything we could muster.

Then the heat. Steam rising from concrete, bake-cookies-on-your-dashboard heat. Luckily there was an antique store with A/C. I figured it would make for an interesting study. What would he find here that he would talk about, and would it really make me reach for my phone.

As it turns out, we started talking a little more, finding pregnant pauses less and less. We started to venture around after cooling off, and found ourselves making our way into downtown. Side-by-side, not missing a beat in anything we talked about. It was only then that I was less concerned about where my phone was and more concerned about the heat. Luckily I checked later. My make-up held up. I was sweating enough to drown a village. I'm glad that wasn't an issue.

We started talking about our races. His eyebrow raised when I told him what I had done earlier that day. He started to feel bad about walking everywhere. What was another five miles, right?

Naturally all that activity made us hungry, so we ended up at one of the few places open on Memorial Day. It also happened to be where CSB and I went often. Luckily that didn't leave a bad stain. I still knew most of the servers there.

After The Trainer laughed at the fact that they were out of pretty much everything I usually get, I playfully slapped his arm. Oh, that's an arm. FOCUS! Then he said something that made me start liking him even more:

I think it's great. You have to think outside of the box.

Interesting. I have a challenge now. He's challenging me. It's a small way to do it, but nonetheless, he is giving me banter.

At any rate, we were still going on about everything under the sun. I caught one of the servers I knew peering over the bar taps, curiously staring at us. How many ways can you visually send I'm-on-an-awesome-date signals without being obvious? I turned around from our booth at the window and noticed the sun was gone. Woah....what time was it?

Six hours. Six hours later we were still there. I noticed my phone dinging. It turns out my best friend sent me rapid fire texts throughout the day.

Afternoon: Hope it goes well!

Early evening: Still going?

Late night: OMIGOD PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE STILL ALIVE!

I had to sneak a text back to her. She was pleased to know firstly that some crazed lunatic didn't kidnap me. And secondly, she was glad it was still going.

We both remembered we had dogs to tend to. So he took me back to my car at the park, and we sat under a lamp post. He asked if I was up for a second date. I told him I was free that week and thanked him for a wonderful time. Another hug and we went into our separate cars.

I was perfectly content at that very moment. My windows down, I turned on the radio, and sang along. He wanted to see me again...just as I wanted to see him too. These are the simple things people enjoy and relish. And I finally had my turn. My legs were weary, and my eyes were heavy.

My heart was pulsing like fireflies in the park.

The Hesistation of Using Training Wheels

You're wondering when I was going to bring up The Trainer. I call him that for a couple of reasons. The most obvious one is that he is, in fact, an athletic trainer. Or, if you know me personally, you would call him an upgrade.

After messaging other guys on a dating website, I came across his profile. The first thing I noticed was his adorable friend: a sleepy puppy, cuddling against his master. The second thing I noticed was his bright eyes.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you are watching a death-defying act and you stutter a gasp? That's how it felt. I swallowed that gasp and opened up a message to compliment him on his eyes, along with his snoozing companion. This athletic and handsome guy couldn't possibly message me back. I was incredibly wrong. It was immediate. He accepted the compliment and we got to talking. What happened next surprised me: the conversations seemed natural.

I know, I know. How is that surprising? The fact that someone still wanted to talk to me. While it's never right to put one's self down, I couldn't get past how natural talking to him was. Some people call that chemistry.

Saturday night light chatting turned into Sunday morning texting. All day. It definitely helps that we had a lot in common, so conversation didn't get stale.

Naturally I was excited about the whole matter. Later I met with a friend of mine for dinner and mentioned him and how I felt like I was on training wheels for dating again. With reassuring eyes, she said that no matter what happens, I at least don't have to worry about expectations.

Come again?

When she explained it, it all made sense. Other than what I had read of him online, I didn't have other people's opinions about him, whether they were good or bad. If anyone has been set up by a friend, he or she knows that there is an image of this strange, new person you're about to meet. If it doesn't meet your expectations, you're let down and it's a bust. However, if it goes well (as it sometimes does) not all is lost. But it made me wonder.

What was I expecting out of this?

After what happened with CSB, I now know that I need in a partner, and that I have standards I'm ready to upkeep. The only expectation I had was to not waste my time on something less than deserving.

After almost three weeks of talking back and forth we were set to meet. Sadly, we hit a speedbump and life happened to him, so we had to call a rain check. What made this better was the words he said: I still definitely want to meet you.

Be still my mending heart.

That was nice to hear. And his curiosity about me made me curious too. I knew I wanted to meet him, but I was taken aback at how genuine that statement felt. It wasn't forced. None of this has been forced.

Is that what's supposed to happen?

I feel as though I'm a kid, in a neighborhood street, learning how to ride a bike again. Internally I'm begging to have the training wheels removed, but on the outside, I look as though I still need them.

This whole process has been a lesson in starting over and doing it the right way for myself. Not the easy way, not the apathetic way, not the "we'll-figure-it-out-later" way.

So far, he is a good trainer.

I could gush and go on about what we've talked about: books, our jobs, our dogs, our work, but that's not what makes it compelling. What does is that epiphany that this guy is good for me. And he probably doesn't even realize how important that is to me.

This is why I was eager to meet him, to study him, to understand what it is about him that makes me feel great. We've gone out on two dates and the scary part is admitting how much I want this to happen...and how I am willing to wait for it to get better, even if this feeling doesn't end with him.

So I'll slowly prop myself on the seat, carefully put one foot on the pedal, and then the other. With my head facing forward, head held high, I start to move with the training wheels, embracing how they are helping me take the next step without any fear.

Online Dating Profiles: Interviewing for your Company

If you were to ask me what the most painful part of starting the online dating process was, I'd have to say completing the damn profile.

Let's go back to grade school for a minute. Your teacher gives you an assignment in which you must write an essay about yourself. No problem, right? But you have to complete it in one page, include varied interests, and validate why they matter. One page?

Welcome to creating an online dating profile!

I'm going to spare the details of what I put in mine. Instead, I will embarrass faceless users who I've screened online. We have:

- The "gives you why he's always single" guy
- The "I'm your Romeo" guy
- The "I will treat you right, if you know what I mean" guy
- The "here's my entire life story" guy

In my humble opinion, who you are is something I'm going to find out should I decide to go on a date with you. Granted, it's the biggest part of the profile. This takes me back to college where you were learning how to write entry-level resumes. Interviewers only need to read your one-line objective to know whether or not to trust you saying the company name. On this site I'm using (sparingly now, but that's another entry), the smallest box is the one that asks "What Would you do on the First Date?"

You guys, we screw this up royally. While you can slap on a nice suit and tie, practice interview etiquette, and list your numerous achievements all you want, you can ultimately blow it when your interviewer asks "What can you do for the company?"

I'd be vacationing in Ibiza if I had a dollar for each answer that was "dinner and a movie." Don't misunderstand me here; a girl's gotta eat, and a free meal is a free meal. But there is a reason women like me go on these sites: for something new. Listen MrReelNiceGuy69: try harder. Not only that, but the reason I'm meeting you is to get to know you. I'm going out of my comfort zone to see who is out there. I can't possibly get to know you while watching a serious plot unfold on the big screen. I can casually observe your popcorn etiquette, and judge whether or not you have fresh hands that want to play. But why blow a date like that? (Ed. note: I need more interesting things to blog. Don't completely ruin it for me).

I've seen the other end of the spectrum too. "Dinner at my place." What that really tells me is that you want me to search every government database for your first and last name to see if I'm safe in your company. I do a background check of sorts before each date. You better believe that the suggestion of dinner at your place gets you checked out quicker! I am not dessert! Cynical? I like to call it rightfully defensive.

So after a couple of weeks of viewing profile after uninteresting or psychologically unsound profile, I would find a gem every now and again. No sarcasm, I really did start some conversations with men who seemed worth a second interview. Some would decline, which is more than fine. I made it clear my time is valuable. Wouldn't yours if you were interviewing for a high-ranking company? Others, well, they blew it with a few choice words. FYI if I have any male readers: Saying "Hey Sexy" the next day after our initial conversation is creepy. Don't do it.

But I started talking to someone on a quiet, unassuming Sunday morning. Then in the afternoon. Then at night, he wanted my number, which I was fine with. He seemed worth a second interview. I was quite pleased with the result, and decided he would be a great fit.

Welcome aboard.

Where oh where to begin?!

Dating happens.

Falling in love happens.

Falling out of love happens.

Breaking up, unfortunately, happens.

FINDING OUT VIA TEXT SHOULD NOT HAPPEN!

I could write all day and preach about the importance of communication, and the importance of being a doting partner and a willful lover. But really, it would do no good. That and while he did fail me, I too failed myself. My friends told me I let too much go, and didn't stand up for what I wanted.

Human connection in any form is what I wanted. Someone to talk to everyday is also what I wanted. A boy to take care of me late at night (open to interpretation, by the way) is what I wanted most times. And guess what? That's what I got.

I didn't get what I needed. The hardest lesson (and the most humbling) is realizing that I was in this alone. He started to stray and I kept my blind optimism, as I usually do. He didn't take away from me; I took away from myself.

More than anything after The Great Text Dump of 2013 (we'll get to that soon, don't you worry), I sulked in my room, caked in tears, mad at myself for letting this happen to me. I should have seen the signs: less talking/texting, less staying over, less kisses, and more awkward hugs. Maybe he was just busy and stressed with school, I thought. Clearly I was wrong.

I felt like
Carrie in Sex and The City getting dumped with a Post-It Note. I don't recall, but maybe her message was much nicer than mine.

"Sorry if I treated you like a rebound"

Wait...what? Clearly, that was news to me.

I sat at the bar that cool Wednesday night, crying shamefully with two of my friends. He was right, I thought. I was only a rebound.

So I did what any girl does in these situations: I got my hair done, threw myself into projects, and posted insanely sad stuff online. Hell, I even adopted a dog. She saved me from continuing to feel so worthless.

However, there is magic in the struggle for clarity. Because of this, I finally understood that it was okay. And if it isn't okay, it would be. My support system reminded me of the usual things people say in this situation: it's his loss, you're beautiful, he's awful, you're amazing, etc.

More than that though, I had to learn to love myself again and be happy on my own. That's where the dog comes in. That's where throwing myself into running happened. I accomplish way more on my own. I am still learning what I need. But the fact of the matter is, his horrible text taught me that it is okay to be sad, angry, and heartbroken because the end result is that it forces me to deal with my dating failures as a stronger individual.

Suffice it to say, I don't feel worthless currently. In fact, I feel empowered. Not being with CSB helped me understand that it's time now for me to focus on what it is I need out of life, which isn't just love or something we try to make feel like love. It's enlightening to think of all the things I've done myself without someone by my side.

I know you're probably wondering what it is I discovered about what I need. Well...

I need a partner.

Someone who wants to take care of me as much as I can take care of him.

Independence.

Goals.

A good listener.

A cheerleader.

While these discoveries sound so obvious, I must say it was humbling to finally embrace them. I'm not getting old by any means, but I am at the point in my life where I am not settling for someone  less than deserving of changing my last name. All of those needs? I deserve them.

So I took a break, played with fire, cuddled a mutt, read some books, signed up for some races, and in the interim, decided to check out online dating again. After two weeks of courageously messaging potential suitors, and dodging guys with names like YourRealPrince and MrGoodbar, I talked to someone who seemed worth my time.

Bright blue eyes, a subtle smile, and an adorable dog caught my attention. His ambition, our conversations, and his curiosity about me is what held it.

Let's call him...The Trainer.

The Beats that Move Us

My father always said this growing up. No news is good news. And it's true. Things with CSB have been quite amazing. This isn't going to be one of those intense, extremely wordy posts (maybe) where I analyze every last minutia of my relationship and dating CSB. No, this is simply to say I'm absolutely thrilled and in love. And anyone who's ever felt this way can write their own story here after reading my own. You know what? I lied; I'm totally going to ramble on because it's good to be in love.

I've had some conflicted feelings regarding my career status, and just to spare him from constant complaining, I almost never bring it up with him. Yet in his charming naivete, he asks me "why aren't you working in your field? You have a degree." Oh honey...it's not that easy! I have to remind myself that he spent 10 years in the Navy, and had job security that most would only dream of, especially in this economy. The whole point I'm driving at is this: he believes in me. He gazes into my eyes and encourages me to better myself and to not settle for anything less than what I want. Then it dawned on me: I am slowly reaching a point where I can do this in a relationship...so I should apply this to other facets in my life! He is handsome as he is smart. And like a typical man, he reaches out to offer a solution to a problem I have either never discussed or realized I had. In return, he looks to me to help him better himself. The other night I helped him restructure an annotated bibliography in MLA format. It's been six years since I've attempted to do this. But I took the time to reeducate myself so I can help him achieve the grades he desires.

There's so much to be said about the last month (!) I've spent with him. My mother had a bit of an accident and he talked to me into the daylight hours of Christmas making sure that I was fine.  I have worked insane hours this month, and all I wanted was a bowl of spaghetti. Tonight, after weeks of wanting some, he took me out to dinner. All of these things should be expected, right? Well, I'm still getting used to it. It's a change of pace to have a man pay attention to the little things, especially since I have always seemed to be the only one who paid attention to the minor details.. And all the while, I'm amazed because our schedules are drastically different since he started school again. He works early hours and goes to class at night. Like a hardworking student, he does homework when he's not at work or at school. I work a typical 9-5 and am lucky if I see him after class. Not to mention my fire troupe has been picking up business, so practice and shows are challenging and often. But he makes that time for me. What a wonderful change of pace.

We spend hours talking about music. I know I'm encroaching on cheesy territory here, but music really unites people in ways we don't think we can without it. Almost like saying good morning, I send him a YouTube video of a song I think he'd like. In return, we stay up till 2 in the morning, watching videos on his laptop, exploring new music together. What's more fascinating for me is that he automatically saves the song I show him, and talks to me about how he found more of the same he liked the next day. One night we played pool...well, he played pool and I just handled a cue stick like a fool. After a long set where I naturally won by default, he pulled out a $5 bill out of his pocket and said "let's play on the jukebox." And we had very similar tastes. We laughed at our choices and told stories about the songs we chose. And to cap it off, he ends our set with "I Touch Myself" because why not.

This is the man I'm falling in love with. The man who makes me laugh so loud in a restaurant that people stare, which makes him laugh harder. Let me remind you...his laugh is not cute! The man who texts me binary jokes (There are only 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't.) so he can remember his IT homework. The man who checks in with me to tell me how much he's accomplished that day. The man who is excited at the idea that I have a job opportunity. The man who is excited to tell his friends he's dating a belly dancer. The man who wants me to teach him piano while he teaches me chess in return. The man who I can honestly say can turn my day around because I remember all of these things.

I can't think of anyone else I can have a conversation with about Yo Yo Ma's version of Elgar's cello concerto, and how much the 1st movement took my breath away. And in response, he shows me an opera from Hannibal that he thoroughly enjoyed. All of this followed by conversations of what we love about motorcycles.

In a previous post I talked about how sometimes dating someone can be a mundane series of events. This is not what it is, nor is it what I hope it turns out to be. This is a series of adventures full of stories I look forward to telling anyone who will listen. There is a passion with him that is difficult to explain sometimes. What we share is more than physical. The physical passion is just that much better because of the conversation, the coffee, the music...

I started this post with La Valse d'Amelie in my head and am finishing it with Elgar. I want to relive these moments with CSB. And it's silly and foolish because at this rate I won't have to; we will keep creating them. When was the last time someone came into your life and inspired you so much that you had to write about it?

And to think it started with a cup of Irish coffee, a magician, and a playing card.

Recycling Terrible Dating Advice

That is what magazines do.

A lot of my friends don't believe me, but I sincerely read most women's magazines targeting to my demographic (18-26 female, entry-level job, vivacious, independent, animal lover) for the make-up and fashion. I'm girly! I swear like a sailor, but I can put lipstick on too dammit!

But my recent "special edition" of Glamour had me and my room mate tilting our heads in disbelief. I momentarily considered cancelling my subscription, like I did with Cosmopolitan. Seriously Cosmo sex advice articles read like Mad Libs:

Lick his (noun) and (verb) his penis for the (adjective) sex ever!

I couldn't deal anymore. And that's how I felt about this Glamour special. First of all, it features the Kardashian sisters. Secondly, it mentions them every twenty pages or so. And on top of that, they give "necessary dating tips and advice for the best new year!" Um, no. What do I have against the Kardashians? Everything. However, giving credit where credit is due: they're very savvy business women (even though many of their methods seem morally corrupt). I digress.

I was flipping through, getting glimmers of hope. I saw a beautiful photoshoot involving an Aprilla bike (you know me and my motorcycle men). Then a Kardashian article. I would find a heartwarming story about a woman who overcomes adversity...followed by terrible dating advice.

So Jax (not so) Single Girl: What makes it terrible? 

Let's start with He Loves You: He Loves You Not. Six Ways to Tell Whether He is Into You (or Ever Will be). Okay, the demographic switched from what I wrote up above to 18-26 lonely girl, desperate for marriage, cat owner, entry-level worker, dependent, low in self-esteem. What killed me what the ever will be part. Really? Because last time I checked (and I am a true testament to this) everybody dates differently. And people fall in love right away, or much later. But to rely on six tips which really are suggestions (the demographic I just described will see them as facts) is just naive. Here they are:

1. Are you his plus one?
2. Does he call (not just text)?
3. Does he listen when you talk?
4. Is he close (very close) with lots of women?
5. Is he introducing you to everyone he knows?
6. Can you tell he's thinking about you when you're not around?

If you are smart, vivacious, and independent, you understand why I am absolutely floored, offended, and appalled by these "insights." Let's delve deeper.

Are you his plus one? Natasha Burton, coauthor of The Little Black Book of Red Flags (there's a joke about a desperate girl somewhere in that title), states that if he's invited to an event and he's not asking you to come around, that's a bad sign. Well, not necessarily. I really believe that your significant other really can be the only one involved in your relationship. I may not want to introduce him to my group of friends at a wedding because...well, why torture him by bringing him somewhere he doesn't want to be? I might even be sparing his sanity! It's a very general statement. Maybe he owned a favor to a gal pal and ended up being her date to the wedding. Did you just scream WHAT THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT?! Well guess what: I was that girl. My best friend guy friend just started dating my best friend (weird huh), and he didn't want to put her in the awkward situation of meeting family. At a wedding. So I did him one and offered to join the festivities. See? Two years later, they're strong and there's no harm done.

Does he call (not just text)? Really, I don't have time to listen to your voice on the phone all the time. Once again, I am an independent, busy, vivacious woman. So my lightning-speed digits can text you just fine. What difference does it make if I ask you how your day was on the phone as opposed to texting you, especially if the answer is the same? Don't get me wrong, I like hearing CSB's voice. But I think the problem here is that a girl may expect a man to call her from now on. And why fix something that ain't broken right? Because according to this article, if a guy is really into you, he's going to want to hear how you're doing and the sound of your voice. Haven't we learned? Men are simpletons. Very few are Casanovas, and even if they were, we'd be highly suspect. I'm tickled when CSB texts me! If he calls? That's good too, but it's not better. The simple act of wanting to contact me is what makes me smile.

Does he listen when you talk? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Again, men a simpletons. And they can only focus on one task at a time. Apparently if he's really into me, he'd be interested on my thoughts on everything  because "he cares about your opinions and how you formed them." How I formed my opinions? Here's how opinions are formed: I saw/heard something. I had thoughts about it. I said something. Boom: there's you're opinion. Besides, men REAL men listen to you without you needing to read between the lines. It should be fairly obvious if he's not listening. If XBOX Live is happening, it's game over for you cupcake. Don't even count on him to know you're there. But if you offer to make out with him and he doesn't move, you oughta be worried. However, I have faith that most men would drop the head set and controller to get a hand on your girl bits.

Is he close (very close) with lots of women? Okay, back to my best guy friend. I'm not saying he's the only exception to this. There really are a lot of men out there who do have a lot of lady friends (in the most non-biblical way). It works the other way too: I have many guy friends. In fact, if my best guy friend didn't keep me around, he wouldn't have met my best friend and no romance would have blossomed! And really, sometimes, a girl needs that neutral "guypinion." That's why some women keep men like him around. And often, what Daddy can't fix, a guy friend can, especially if she is a single girl with no other man to rely on. This screams low self-esteem and self-worth. CSB has many lady friends. I met a couple of them. I don't feel threatened. I even danced with a couple of them over the weekend, and they were nice! His best friend is a girl, who I also met. It's all about keeping the line of communication open. If you're a single lady and get bent out of shape when he mentions his chick friends, you don't need to be in a relationship, since you know...those things are kinda built on trust. When should you feel threatened? When your calls aren't returned because he's always with her and you never see her, let alone see them together...pretty obvious, right?

Is he introducing you to everyone he knows? This was my favorite one. "If you're meeting his friends, neighbors, relatives, and loved ones, it's a strong sign he sees you as part of his whole life (not just your sex life)." Did a 20-year-old intern with no life experience write this? To be fair, I met CSB's neighbor, but neither of us went out of our way for an introduction. And as I said before, sometimes, the only people who really matter in the relationship are you and him, because as long as no one is getting hurt or being reckless, there really need to be anyone else to revel in your love...or whatever it is. And maybe it's blind faith, but I do have hope, and male insight from my guy friends, that unless he really wants to get to know you, he will let you know he's only there to tap it like a maple tree. Let's go back to OGM for a moment. We had that talk about his moving and the state of our dating. It was pretty understood that this was going to be a summer fling, and nothing but. Yet we talked about it. If you're gonna keep your legs open, you gotta keep your mouth (and mind) open as well.

Finally, Can you tell he's thinking about you when you're not around? The answer, for me, is another question: Do I really care? I have my own life and expect him to have his. I am a busy bee doing things for myself and others, that really, all I ask for is something simple: remember I exist, show me you like that I'm with you, and we're good. And to be perfectly honest this song, this song, and this song came into my head when I read that question (The 80's were an awesome time for stalker songs). It's a sweet gesture thinking that I've been running through his mind all day, but an even greater gesture would be to say hey let's spend time together tonight because I like being with you. And the article does go on to say that it's a good thing if he sees something in the wild that he thinks you'll like and he mentions it to you. Well, duh Becky.

Am I being unfair about this article? Maybe, but I do understand that it's difficult to bake cookie-cutter dating advice for women in this demographic. We're all learning what we're capable of and what it is that we want. We're all in this adventure where we're learning how to get the best out of life has to offer. But I wish these writers would have a little more faith in their readers. It should be fairly obvious when someone isn't into you. And if I may offer you my own piece of unsolicited advice for your dating ventures? You guessed it: listen to your gut. It never lies. It's risky but that's what love and dating is. Maybe there are girls out there who needed to read this advice. But don't make it the only advice.

It Comes Down to This New Adventure

I believe it's safe to say that CSB and I are officially a couple. He shows up to all my fire shows. He always reaches for a kiss. He always asks me what it is I want to do. And he simply wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him. This is such a great feeling!

But what, you ask, does that mean about the state of this blog? Well just because I'm not technically single anymore, it doesn't mean that I won't have any future adventures with CSB! With each new date and lover I've been with, I have encountered a new set of lessons, whether it has to do with life or love. OGM taught me what I'm willing to settle for. Academy Boy taught me that online dating isn't for the weak at heart.

And CSB? Well, I have had to learn how to accept being adored. I know it sounds odd, but truly I am not used to being so desired, at least in the non-sexual sense. I've either dealt with the mundane schedule of doing a,b, and c, or having the pleasure of being with a phantom boyfriend. What's that, you ask. You know when your friends ask about your boyfriend and they know ALL about him but they never see him? That is what we call a phantom boyfriend.And as stated earlier, I've also had to define what the line is between a completely physical relationship and something more meaningful and deserving.

In any event I will always have something to talk about. I will always have casual observances on dating. I will continue to enlighten your day with little stories about the crazy ways I fall in love. From my many conversations with friends, I  totally understand now that everyone falls in love differently and falls into relationships differently. I have always thought that by sharing my stories, it would help me further understand what I require, what I refuse to settle for, and then hopefully help you, my readers, reach the same little epiphanies that I do with my single girl adventures.

In the meantime, I will continue to enjoy my midnight dates, have deep, insightful conversations about fate and coincidence in a crowded club, laugh at his ridiculous laugh, and enjoy myself being happy with someone else who is happy with me. Because isn't that what it's all about anyway?