A lot of my friends don't believe me, but I sincerely read most women's magazines targeting to my demographic (18-26 female, entry-level job, vivacious, independent, animal lover) for the make-up and fashion. I'm girly! I swear like a sailor, but I can put lipstick on too dammit!
But my recent "special edition" of Glamour had me and my room mate tilting our heads in disbelief. I momentarily considered cancelling my subscription, like I did with Cosmopolitan. Seriously Cosmo sex advice articles read like Mad Libs:
Lick his (noun) and (verb) his penis for the (adjective) sex ever!
I couldn't deal anymore. And that's how I felt about this Glamour special. First of all, it features the Kardashian sisters. Secondly, it mentions them every twenty pages or so. And on top of that, they give "necessary dating tips and advice for the best new year!" Um, no. What do I have against the Kardashians? Everything. However, giving credit where credit is due: they're very savvy business women (even though many of their methods seem morally corrupt). I digress.
I was flipping through, getting glimmers of hope. I saw a beautiful photoshoot involving an Aprilla bike (you know me and my motorcycle men). Then a Kardashian article. I would find a heartwarming story about a woman who overcomes adversity...followed by terrible dating advice.
So Jax (not so) Single Girl: What makes it terrible?
Let's start with He Loves You: He Loves You Not. Six Ways to Tell Whether He is Into You (or Ever Will be). Okay, the demographic switched from what I wrote up above to 18-26 lonely girl, desperate for marriage, cat owner, entry-level worker, dependent, low in self-esteem. What killed me what the ever will be part. Really? Because last time I checked (and I am a true testament to this) everybody dates differently. And people fall in love right away, or much later. But to rely on six tips which really are suggestions (the demographic I just described will see them as facts) is just naive. Here they are:
1. Are you his plus one?
2. Does he call (not just text)?
3. Does he listen when you talk?
4. Is he close (very close) with lots of women?
5. Is he introducing you to everyone he knows?
6. Can you tell he's thinking about you when you're not around?
If you are smart, vivacious, and independent, you understand why I am absolutely floored, offended, and appalled by these "insights." Let's delve deeper.
Are you his plus one? Natasha Burton, coauthor of The Little Black Book of Red Flags (there's a joke about a desperate girl somewhere in that title), states that if he's invited to an event and he's not asking you to come around, that's a bad sign. Well, not necessarily. I really believe that your significant other really can be the only one involved in your relationship. I may not want to introduce him to my group of friends at a wedding because...well, why torture him by bringing him somewhere he doesn't want to be? I might even be sparing his sanity! It's a very general statement. Maybe he owned a favor to a gal pal and ended up being her date to the wedding. Did you just scream WHAT THAT'S JUST NOT RIGHT?! Well guess what: I was that girl. My best friend guy friend just started dating my best friend (weird huh), and he didn't want to put her in the awkward situation of meeting family. At a wedding. So I did him one and offered to join the festivities. See? Two years later, they're strong and there's no harm done.
Does he call (not just text)? Really, I don't have time to listen to your voice on the phone all the time. Once again, I am an independent, busy, vivacious woman. So my lightning-speed digits can text you just fine. What difference does it make if I ask you how your day was on the phone as opposed to texting you, especially if the answer is the same? Don't get me wrong, I like hearing CSB's voice. But I think the problem here is that a girl may expect a man to call her from now on. And why fix something that ain't broken right? Because according to this article, if a guy is really into you, he's going to want to hear how you're doing and the sound of your voice. Haven't we learned? Men are simpletons. Very few are Casanovas, and even if they were, we'd be highly suspect. I'm tickled when CSB texts me! If he calls? That's good too, but it's not better. The simple act of wanting to contact me is what makes me smile.
Does he listen when you talk? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Again, men a simpletons. And they can only focus on one task at a time. Apparently if he's really into me, he'd be interested on my thoughts on everything because "he cares about your opinions and how you formed them." How I formed my opinions? Here's how opinions are formed: I saw/heard something. I had thoughts about it. I said something. Boom: there's you're opinion. Besides, men REAL men listen to you without you needing to read between the lines. It should be fairly obvious if he's not listening. If XBOX Live is happening, it's game over for you cupcake. Don't even count on him to know you're there. But if you offer to make out with him and he doesn't move, you oughta be worried. However, I have faith that most men would drop the head set and controller to get a hand on your girl bits.
Is he close (very close) with lots of women? Okay, back to my best guy friend. I'm not saying he's the only exception to this. There really are a lot of men out there who do have a lot of lady friends (in the most non-biblical way). It works the other way too: I have many guy friends. In fact, if my best guy friend didn't keep me around, he wouldn't have met my best friend and no romance would have blossomed! And really, sometimes, a girl needs that neutral "guypinion." That's why some women keep men like him around. And often, what Daddy can't fix, a guy friend can, especially if she is a single girl with no other man to rely on. This screams low self-esteem and self-worth. CSB has many lady friends. I met a couple of them. I don't feel threatened. I even danced with a couple of them over the weekend, and they were nice! His best friend is a girl, who I also met. It's all about keeping the line of communication open. If you're a single lady and get bent out of shape when he mentions his chick friends, you don't need to be in a relationship, since you know...those things are kinda built on trust. When should you feel threatened? When your calls aren't returned because he's always with her and you never see her, let alone see them together...pretty obvious, right?
Is he introducing you to everyone he knows? This was my favorite one. "If you're meeting his friends, neighbors, relatives, and loved ones, it's a strong sign he sees you as part of his whole life (not just your sex life)." Did a 20-year-old intern with no life experience write this? To be fair, I met CSB's neighbor, but neither of us went out of our way for an introduction. And as I said before, sometimes, the only people who really matter in the relationship are you and him, because as long as no one is getting hurt or being reckless, there really need to be anyone else to revel in your love...or whatever it is. And maybe it's blind faith, but I do have hope, and male insight from my guy friends, that unless he really wants to get to know you, he will let you know he's only there to tap it like a maple tree. Let's go back to OGM for a moment. We had that talk about his moving and the state of our dating. It was pretty understood that this was going to be a summer fling, and nothing but. Yet we talked about it. If you're gonna keep your legs open, you gotta keep your mouth (and mind) open as well.
Finally, Can you tell he's thinking about you when you're not around? The answer, for me, is another question: Do I really care? I have my own life and expect him to have his. I am a busy bee doing things for myself and others, that really, all I ask for is something simple: remember I exist, show me you like that I'm with you, and we're good. And to be perfectly honest this song, this song, and this song came into my head when I read that question (The 80's were an awesome time for stalker songs). It's a sweet gesture thinking that I've been running through his mind all day, but an even greater gesture would be to say hey let's spend time together tonight because I like being with you. And the article does go on to say that it's a good thing if he sees something in the wild that he thinks you'll like and he mentions it to you. Well, duh Becky.
Am I being unfair about this article? Maybe, but I do understand that it's difficult to bake cookie-cutter dating advice for women in this demographic. We're all learning what we're capable of and what it is that we want. We're all in this adventure where we're learning how to get the best out of life has to offer. But I wish these writers would have a little more faith in their readers. It should be fairly obvious when someone isn't into you. And if I may offer you my own piece of unsolicited advice for your dating ventures? You guessed it: listen to your gut. It never lies. It's risky but that's what love and dating is. Maybe there are girls out there who needed to read this advice. But don't make it the only advice.
