When a ship sets sail...

So I've been noticeably absent. Don't get me wrong. I never said I wasn't single anymore. I just happened to be distracted by OGM. And then...reality hit. 

So, a couple weeks ago he texted me that he had something to tell me. I said, ok, so just tell me. Apparently then was not the time. Okay, ladies and gentleman. I have an annoucement: Now is either a bad time or it's the only time. Choose wisely! I digress...flash forward to a few days ago.

"I move this Saturday"

So...September isn't it then, I thought? He followed this heavy-sighed statement with "we shouldn't continue." Which, again, is fine. I think I've been prepared for this. In fact we had quite the routine:

- Sundays were days catching up on a certain favorite TV show
- Tuesdays were more of the same. He'd make us dinner
- Thursdays were spent drinking and laughing
- Friday we may go out somewhere

This, coupled with work, is why I have been quiet on the Single Girl front. I think, I believe, we had to savor the moment. Live the present. Be together because we knew this couldn't happen after he left. In his own words, "he needed something good in his life." And believe me, I'm honored by this. It's really sweet.

When he would hold me late at night, brushing the hair away from my face, sighing deep into my neck, I could tell that he didn't want to be alone on this ship. A lonely captain, weakly grabbing control, and venturing out into new territory, unsure of what he'll find. I will be there in some shape or fashion with him. I am there with him. But that's because he chooses to.

Believe it or not, I'm not heartbroken. I prepared for this. It stings a little bit, but I have made great strides to emotionally detach myself from falling *gasp* in love. And yet this boy confuses the life out of me.

Who follows "we can't continue" with "I want to see you again" or "do you really have to leave" or "what about seeing you Saturday or Sunday." Don't get me wrong. This isn't just about sex. Yes, sex is a part of it. In fact, this is the closest I've ever felt to knowing what it feels like to make love. However, I have continuously come to the same conclusion ever since he (we?) decided to stop after he moves.

I will feel this way with someone else

And that has what has kept me sane the last month. It's not a mantra. It's a fact. I know I will feel this way with another person. It's like my best friend reminded me: maybe this is some higher deity's way of saying "you can feel a mutual emotional connection with a good man." And this is my conscience following that up with "and you will feel it again." 

I adore OGM. He is truly a good man, a good person, and he treated me well and made me happy. But I can and will move on. This is his ship. He has chosen to go into the great wide open without me at his side. And I can't blame him. No one ever wants to feel held back, nor does a really good person ever want to hold someone back from fulfilling, what they believe, some destiny they need to seize.

The more I continue with my single girl adventures, the more I understand my own destiny. I know what it is I want in a relationship and from a man that I potentially want as my partner. However, I do know that I may not need it right now. And that's okay too.

In the interim, I will lift my own sails and venture into my own unknown. Besides, this wouldn't be the first time me and OGM have parted ways. And it's not the first time we have reunited. In life, there are many possibilities. In love, when you experience these possibilities, it's amazing what you learn about your own heart...and his.

Besides...I may have another date soon. This guy? Apparently attended the Naval Academy and asked me out for a discussion about zombie outbreak defense over milkshakes. Did I ever tell you I don't have a type?

Anchors Aweigh!

Au revoir, mi amor