Don't Spill Your Guts; Trust 'em!

That's essentially what I'm gathering is the best approach to dealing with dating.

Before my friend and I went out to the club last weekend, we ended up doing the typical girl thing: talking about boys, switching purses, laughing. So I told her in so many words that I end up being so cynical about relationships and dating. Sometimes, even as optimistic as I can be, I see so much ugly in this world, and while I can only do so much to shape myself around it, it wears me down, and sadly I tend to lose a little bit of home each time.

And with that bit of sadness, here is a song by The Cure

With this caring and sincere look in her eyes, she told me this in so many words:

"Think back to your last relationship. Did it feel like you were always trying to chase something that wasn't there? And was your gut screaming at you telling you that this wasn't right? And think about now. Does it feel right? Are you relaxed? Then go with it. Your gut never lies."

Dammit, I thought. She's right! Why do we as women never learn this lesson? We are so apt to go with the flow even if it means swimming against it. Now I'm not sure about you, but I tend to be a selfless person. The pain you feel? I feel it too. The shirt on my back? Yours. And perhaps the bra if you really need it. Everyone needs a good support system! My loyal friends insist on reminding me (as they probably should) that I need to look after my interests too.

Very often my insight into love and the like stem from my conversations with my near and dear. I can't emphasize how important their opinions are and how they shape my perspective. I also must note that my cyncism is very self-inflicted. Another reason I keep my friends? They remind me that it's ok to enjoy this crazy little thing called love...or something like it.

I reu the day when the cyncism overtakes my sunny disposition. So, for now, I will heed the advice of my best support bra: don't apologize for enjoying yourself, tread cautiously, but not to the point of barely getting your toe wet, and your gut is stronger than the cologne that makes you swoon.

"So What's Your Type?"

My best friend and I had this discussion the other day. I think the fact that I haven't really had a type has made my online dating venture flatline.

I know what you're thinking: There have got to be some similarities between the men you have dated before. There are, but they're really cosmetic and random. This too is probably isn't helping my cause.

They've been good cooks
Green-eyed men tend to find me
If they aren't getting hard ons over football, then they certainly are with hockey
Guitarists

Really, the things they have in common are things that don't matter to me. I've talked to men and women alike who insist they only date redheads/date athletes/date musicians.

How picky can one be?! I guess I'd rather date a series of coincidences than pigeonhole men into categories. Can you imagine? The conversation would probably go like this:

"Yeah, he was a redhead. Love that. Except he never drives when we go out, he's rude to others in public, and he hates his mother. I love that those redheads are so hot-headed!"

Ok fine. This is exaggerating a bit, but you get the point. This girl will then want to find another redhead to come into her life, and she'll put up with this nonsense and hope that she found the right redhead, and not the right man. See that gingers? I'M ROOTING FOR YOU!

Am I being to cynical again? I do that a lot...

I know a lot of girls out there understand where I'm coming from. Friends have suggested I keep an open mind about online dating. I have to a degree! This has been difficult to adjust. That being said, I think I'll just leave online dating to the birds (for now) and focus on waiting for something to happen.

Don't worry. I'm not just going to sit here like a princess and wait for him to slay dragons to save me. In fact, princesses annoy me, and would rather befriend the dragon for he is probably just misunderstood. Maybe I'll be fortunate enough to spill coffee on a nice guy. He'll be so nice about it, he'll want to talk more over coffee that's still in his cup.

Ever the eternal optimist, the cup is still and always shall be half full.

Find me in da club?

This really isn't my style, but for the sake of my dear friend and her birthday wishes, this is where I stood. Hands in the pockets of my dress, nursing a well-made long island iced tea, and watching droves of drunks poorly dancing to the bass. It's a lot like this. I can't decide if getting hit on or poor dancers is worse.

I simply take a look around and this isn't the kind of crowd I want in my life and 12:30 at night. And then I remembered that this would make wonderful blog fodder! As usual, I feel overdressed and underdrunk. I look around and see couples. This is where I ask myself how on earth did fate bring these two together? Very rarely do you hear the true love story of two people, meeting at a club, and living happily ever after...unless you're from Jersey. Apparently that happens there all the time.

It's funny because I love dancing. And enjoy drinking. Maybe the cynic in me has difficulty believing that I can find my life partner at a club while enjoying both of these past times.

So here is where I ask my followers this question: where did you meet your current significant other? Did you expect that to happen?

I met my latest love interests either through work or school. I guess this is also why online dating is extremely foreign to me. I truly want something organic to happen. Seeking it in the depths of the interwebs is like high fructose corn syrup in the culinary world: ok in small doses, but it's for the most part not good for you.

I think I'm right on track with keeping with an organic diet though. But of course a little junk food isn't a bad thing. In fact, I always make up for it later!

Picky? Mayhaps...

Ok so after a few dating missteps in my past, I am fully-prepared to be picky about the next man in my life. Don't get me wrong! I would love to date and explore different personalities, but if I'm going to give you a title, you're gonna have to be pretty flippin' awesome.

So what is Jax Single Girl looking for? Well, I was having this conversation with my best friend, and I shamefully admitted that my high standards are, I believe, everyone else's average standards. I'm not setting the bar low (sorry all you middle-aged men on Match.com. I am NO mail order bride!). I'm just now understanding what it is I am willing to accept.

Must make me laugh
Must have your own life and hobbies
Must want to spend time together
Must enjoy my company whether I'm rocking a hoodie and Chucks, or all gussied up in a little black dress
Must make plans sometimes
Must have a great relationship with his family
Must be kind (snide people watching, however, is acceptable)
Must appreciate holding my hand as I hold his
Must be willing to at least appreciate my quirks and odd habits

I know. This list is general at best. But the most important thing I need is that chemistry. That boom. The butterflies in the stomach. In the past, I have been so patient with my phantom boyfriends (def. You know he exists. I know he exist. But where on God's green earth is he?!), but what I need is an adventurous companion. My other partner in crime.

Despite all outward appearances, I do believe in true, everlasting love. I really believe that one man one day will share the same zest for life. So where are you, dear? Let's share witty puns, go on a midnight drive for no reason, bake cupcakes, and yell at stupid people on tv. And perchance may we cuddle often?

...wait. You wanna put what where and nothing more?

AS IF!

"Would you look at that body language?"

"Legs crossed towards each other. That is an unequivocal sex invite!"

I gotta admit: Cher from Clueless wasn't speaking any untruths.

Sidenote: Kids who were born when this movie came out can legally drive a car this year. YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT. Moving on.

Some of you are asking hey Jax Single Girl! When did sex even come into the picture? Look, I'm not one to shake my girly bits at every boy who winks at me, but I think we really need to explore body language because it screams much louder than the creeper next to you wanting your number at a dirty bar.

The other night when I hung out with A Few Good Men, I couldn't help but notice the chivalry from one man in particular. Here's where I start analyzing this and other situations.

Let's list them, shall we?
He had his hand on my chair across my back the whole time.
He often reached out and hugged me.
He rested his head on my shoulders a few times.
He had his hand around my waist towards the end of the night.

Look, either I'm a healthy candidate for a new bromance, or there is really some sort of physical chemistry happening that would give Vivian Leigh some very serious, Southern vapors.

Ok, kids. I need some help here. WHAT'S HAPPENING?! By the way, I'm really great at denial. It makes my everyday very interesting.

I talked with a close friend and she said this and similar situations are just a serious eye-opener. I simply haven't been treated like I existed. My exes couldn't follow the golden rule: do onto others as others do onto you. The eternal optimist in me is hardwired to believe that I can turn any terrible situation into a good thing. Luckily for me, most of the time I can. This time around, I'm making sure that someone does the same for me when I'm feeling blue.

And my friend said something else that struck me. "Once you know, you can't not know." After all is said and done, I am willing to admit my shortcomings, forgive others for theirs, but all the while, not settle for less than something I deserve...especially after seeing where it got me twice.

The truth is we are animals. There are rituals we do to attract members of the opposite sex (or same sex. I love my gays). And when you feel it, you can't not feel it. What makes us individuals is how we determine what piece of yourself, physical or not, you're willing to share. What's my strategy? I'm a cuddle whore. I'll do it for free. If you give me money, then I win twice!

For the sake of fun, and for the livelihood of this blog, I will date a few mistakes. That is, if your creepy uncle will stop sending me emails. Seriously Match.com! I prefer that you match better!

We have to remind ourselves that there is never safety in adventure. And if you're not living on the edge? Well, you are just taking up too much space!

The Jungle has some nice Scenery

There is a lot to be said about putting a single girl outside the comfort of her environment. I'm not just talking putting her on a date with a complete stranger at a restaurant with weird food nobody can pronounce. No, I'm talking also in terms of putting a single girl in an establishment full of scantily clad women and placing her with a group of men she barely knows. I assure you this isn't a screwed up hentai. However, it's probably as comfortable as the meat in the casing of this obvious sausage fest. No biggie. Same Single Girl, different foliage.

So for those inquiring, I wore jeans, a loose t-shirt, and heels. However, I upped the ante and did my hair and spritzed smell-good. I am still a girl after all! I think the boys last night had trouble remembering that. I digress. This is a typical day for me.

This scenery was the perfect setting for a sociology experiment. How many men were oggling at the scantily-clad females? Am I really one of three women in this entire establishment not wearing a hanky for a kilt? All of a sudden my jeans and t-shirt seemed like a Catholic habit. So yes...I did have moments of discomfort.

However, in these few bare moments, I found solace in the fact that I was around good men. Not a good man, but good men. I guess it's all perspective. They were very respectful of all the women there, not just myself. They included me as best as they could in conversation. And you know what? I laughed. A LOT. This is the simplicity I long for. I guess in the end I don't need to discover it with just one man. Just a few good people instead.

And yet it's a strange situation. Hanging with someone from your past and exploring the what ifs. Blame it on the alcohol, but there just might be something there. I will save the details for another post. I know you're waiting with bated breath!

All I know is I'm spending time with one of these guys Monday night and honestly no matter what happens, these few good men have given me hope for my own dating future.

What Nature Intended?

I never imagined I'd be "that girl."

You know? The one who schvitzes in front of the mirror wondering if what she's wearing is suitable. Tonight I am simply going out with a friend and his friends. The single girl in me hears "oh snap! Time to show off the goods!" The logical side of me smacks Single Girl with her brass pair and says "no silly. Be Yourself"

That brings me to this comical segue.

Remember the movie Just Friends? That's how I feel in many situations. It's like my timing is simply off. I am the hamster on a wheel desperately trying to get the carrot on the string.

Anyway, here I am going through my closet and wondering what "myself" is. Ten years ago, it was tartan plaid, chain wallets, anything that screamed "punk rock." When I was dating, I hid my body is Plain Jane because heaven forbid I looked good to any other red-blooded male.

This is what all those nature shows are talking about. Females and males getting all fussy to attract the opposite sex. Instead of strutting like a proud peacock, I stumble like a Canadian goose trying to cross a busy intersection.

The most difficult thing I am struggling with is wondering how the opposite sex perceives me. I've always been proud to be a contradiction; a dirty old man in a skirt is how I'd like to put it. THAT is me. But is any man kind enough to peel back that layer and understand that I also like to wear pearls and bake cupcakes?

So tonight, I will mingle with a new social circle; the lioness from another tribe. Let's see if I am welcomed or end up sparring tonight.