Time, Why you Punish me?

You read correctly. That is a reference to a Hootie and the Blowish song. Once again, I had a conversation about dating and relationships last night with my best friend. This got me thinking about timing and how it, much like Nature, can be very fickle and sometimes unforgiving. My PIC (partner in crime) happens to be dating my other best friend, who is probably the one with the best guypinions. While I talked about being twitterpated over One Good Man, the question came up about how her boyfriend felt about my dating situation.

He suggests that I wait to get into anything. Kinda late for that isn't it?

Timing works on a very skewed scale for me, much like my standards for dating. My standards are most girls' standards for dating. To serve as a reminder, I actually have standards and plan to use them this time. That being said, I am by comparison taking my time with dating this time around. Me and OGM have been seeing each other for about a month. Previously, I had been officially unattached for a month. But really, looking back at my past relationship, I was pretty much single for six months. Thus proving I work on a very different scale than most girls. I'm obviously not most girls.

By now, five years ago, I would be spending every single day with him, spending the night with him, doing fun things when spending the night with him (cough), and telling everyone who will listen about my boyfriend I just started seeing a week ago. Me and OGM have been seeing each other once or twice a week, we don't talk everyday, and it hasn't gone to the sexual point of no return. And he treats me well. So far. Yes, I am still bracing myself for the catch. I think some would say I'm cautiously optimistic.

One of my other guy friends had this scale for time that he suggested I use: For every year you are together, that should be the amount of months to wait before dating again. So if you were with someone for two years, you should wait two months before moving on. Not sure how you feel about that, but really it just sounds complicated. You and I both know dating is complicated enough!

In short, timing is all relative. And I've learned that when it comes to dating, timing is never good. We have to reshape how we deal with situations. I've had friends who have married and later found their true missing puzzle piece soon after. It happens. And then they deal with it. Because what can you do right? Very rarely is the timing right for these kind of things. Some people wait 25 years to begin a life with someone they could love. If you're Katy Perry, you date the hilarious guy who looks like an oversized rat and marry him right away.

When it comes to dating and timing, you absolutely have to listen to your gut. I value the opinions of my friends, but this is one of those situations where you have to remind them that they may not know what to do if they were in your shoes. Sometimes it's very difficult to sit back and put aside your opinions about your friends' relationships. But remember whose life it is. While you may not always support their decisions, it's best to put those feelings aside, especially if they are genuinely happy.

You can have your own master plan about dating and what you want to do and when, and formulate the steps to get there. I'm just here to remind you that whatever powers that be will laugh at you and throw you a curveball.

You ready to catch?

For giggles, here is Thumper and Bambi learning what it is to be "twitterpated."

Woah, What's that Noise?

*Pop*


That would be my dating cherry popping! Apologies for the visual, but can you blame me for being able to barely contain my excitement? I had my first official date. For once in my life I attempted time with the opposite sex in a linear fashion. Not that kind of fashion, silly. I'm talking about how this time around, I didn't claim a relationship, followed by maybe hanging out, and finally ending with the fall out. I don't claim to be traditional, but I can't be unconventional all the time. It's exhausting! 

Yes, it was one of the Few Good Men that I have talked about in previous posts. It was a totally new experience for me. That statement to me is just so sad. It's very evident that I haven't been properly treated before. It's a tough pill to swallow!

So he picked me up, we went to dinner, had a couple drinks, watched the bartenders kick us out with their eyes, and watched TV at my place. And he acted like a total gentleman. If he was trying to impress me, it worked. From refilling my water, to opening the car door for me, to engaging in conversation with me, it was a really great first date.

A girl can totally get used to this!

So how did this even happen? It's a funny story, really. Brace yourselves.

I knew this guy in high school. Our paths crossed once in a while since we both took similar classes. We had mutual friends but for the most part we didn't really hang out with each other. It had been seven years since we last spoke. And that was because of a life-changing car accident that could have potentially taken his life. Honestly, I probably wouldn't have spoken to him until our ten-year high school reunion. Frankly, he was extremely lucky to have survived and be in optimal health.

He was always a kind person, and I wouldn't wish that kind of tragedy on my worst enemy. To me, it felt like a sign to talk to him again. We met up with a few of his friends and we caught up. Shortly after, he asked to spend a day with me. Sadly, the timing was terrible.

I was trying to patch things up with my ex, and we ended up getting back together. I thought about what would have happened if I said yes. Did I regret my decision? Let's just say that timing is everything, and I was upset that his timing was terrible. Who knew after one year we'd get a chance to try it again?

It's a wonderful transition. Less than a few weeks in, I was ready to give up on online dating. All I wanted to believe in is that there is still that possibility that something organic could happen. And now something has been planted when I've least expected it. Look, I don't know where it will go but if we keep wanting to spend this much time with each other without any sort of pressure, commital or sexual, I think there is promise.

For all of you single ladies out there, I hope that my story has given you some glimmer of hope. I know the concept of dating alone can be an uphill battle. When you add the Internet to the mix, it truly feels like there's no chance of reaching the top of the mountain. I don't want to sound like a sappy Nicholas Sparks novel, but these kind of experiences happen when you least expect them to. There is so much truth to that cliche! So definitely keep an open mind and be in tune to your surroundings. You'll be surprised at who is paying attention.

So where exactly is all this going?

Date #3!

Don't Spill Your Guts; Trust 'em!

That's essentially what I'm gathering is the best approach to dealing with dating.

Before my friend and I went out to the club last weekend, we ended up doing the typical girl thing: talking about boys, switching purses, laughing. So I told her in so many words that I end up being so cynical about relationships and dating. Sometimes, even as optimistic as I can be, I see so much ugly in this world, and while I can only do so much to shape myself around it, it wears me down, and sadly I tend to lose a little bit of home each time.

And with that bit of sadness, here is a song by The Cure

With this caring and sincere look in her eyes, she told me this in so many words:

"Think back to your last relationship. Did it feel like you were always trying to chase something that wasn't there? And was your gut screaming at you telling you that this wasn't right? And think about now. Does it feel right? Are you relaxed? Then go with it. Your gut never lies."

Dammit, I thought. She's right! Why do we as women never learn this lesson? We are so apt to go with the flow even if it means swimming against it. Now I'm not sure about you, but I tend to be a selfless person. The pain you feel? I feel it too. The shirt on my back? Yours. And perhaps the bra if you really need it. Everyone needs a good support system! My loyal friends insist on reminding me (as they probably should) that I need to look after my interests too.

Very often my insight into love and the like stem from my conversations with my near and dear. I can't emphasize how important their opinions are and how they shape my perspective. I also must note that my cyncism is very self-inflicted. Another reason I keep my friends? They remind me that it's ok to enjoy this crazy little thing called love...or something like it.

I reu the day when the cyncism overtakes my sunny disposition. So, for now, I will heed the advice of my best support bra: don't apologize for enjoying yourself, tread cautiously, but not to the point of barely getting your toe wet, and your gut is stronger than the cologne that makes you swoon.